Samantha Skelly “Hungry for Happiness”

SS:
Good morning.

DS:
I always say, “Good morning,” because it’s morning somewhere in the world.

SS:
Yeah, like that song, Five O’clock Somewhere. It’s also six o’clock am somewhere.

DS:
Morning’s like a new beginning, you know? Yeah. I’m super, super happy today to be out here with the amazing SS:, and her program, Happiness …

SS:
Hungry For Happiness.

DS:
Hungry For Happiness.

SS:
Yeah.

DS:
I love it. I love it. Samantha has helped thousands of people, thousands of women with their relationship with food, and their body, and kind of helping to come up with something that just works. You know? I think we’ve tried different things from different times, and the thing with diets, people go on them and they go off them, and they do this and they do that, but really, if we look at what’s our relationship with health …

SS:
That’s it.

DS:
What’s our relationship with fun, what’s our relationship with our body, and we create something sustainable. Yeah.

SS:
Most definitely. Yeah.

DS:
You came a long way for this podcast.

SS:
Yeah, all the way from Vancouver.

DS:
That’s pretty awesome, but we’re kidnapping you to stay.

SS:
You don’t have to try too hard. I’m like, “Take me, take me.” It’s like, “I want to live here.”

DS:
Oh, man.

SS:
Look at this. Look where we are right now. I am so grateful.

DS:
It’s so beautiful.

SS:
Oh my gosh. It wasn’t even hard to get out here. We fought like, maybe, two waves to get out here. I was like, “Oh, God. This is going to be so hard.” It was smooth sailing.

DS:
You were pretty amazing. I never want to say too much because you want people to just kind of go for it.

SS:
Watch out for the waves.

DS:
You did so good. There’s a part where it’s really hard because we make it hard.

SS:
Yeah, yeah.

DS:
Then, all of a sudden, you stand up.

SS:
Yeah.

DS:
We were talking about that, and it’s like every muscle in your body is tense, and you’re going, “Wow, this is a really good core workout.”

SS:
Yeah, yeah.

DS:
Then, what happens is, you take a breath and you go, “Oh, I don’t have to be tense.”

SS:
I don’t have to force. I don’t have to force, I can just let it be easy. Right? The struggle’s not real.

DS:
That’s so awesome. That’s so awesome. Can you tell me more about what you do?

SS:
Yes. I’ll share my little personal story to start with, to give some context to why I do what I do. I grew up as a dancer, and a child actress, and a stunt double.

DS:
Wow. That’s why you were good at-

SS:
Damn it, he knows my secret now. Growing up, I was either on a stage, in front of a camera, or … You know, my body was always being looked at, whether it was like, “You need to lose weight to be a dancer,” or, “You need to be a little bit more skinny because of this role.” As a child, and even like fourteen, fifteen, it didn’t really affect me that much. I was just like, “This is just what I do.” I need to conform to these standards if I’m going to be a performer, and if I want to book these gigs and these roles. When I was eighteen, I completely just stopped everything, dancing, acting, stunting, it all, and I went traveling to go find myself.

DS:
Nice.

SS:
I’m like, “I want to create some sort of identity that’s not wrapped up in me being a performer.”

DS:
Okay.

SS:
I went to Australia, and I was like, “Peace,” lost it because I was no longer a performer. No one knew who I was.

DS:
Your identity.

SS:
I was this random girl way over there, somewhere in Australia, just trying to figure out what life is, so I became really obsessed with my body. I was finding my significance in looking good rather than feeling good. I was on over-
Because maybe it didn’t work the first nine times that I did it. It was ridiculous. I got to a place where, four years later, I was like, “I’m ruining my body.” My whole mind set was wrapped around how many calories are in this food, and where is it going to end up in my body. It was this constant struggle I dealt with daily. When you’re so consumed with an obsession, or an addiction like that, you can’t really think of how I love myself, or how can I take my relationships, or how can I have more fun in life. You’re so concerned about food and your body. It’s like you externalize your worth, totally.

DS:
I think what’s interesting is it doesn’t matter if your five pounds overweight or fifty pounds.

SS:
It doesn’t matter.

DS:
Or a hundred pounds, it’s the image of what you think.

SS:
Totally, like I was twenty pounds lighter than I am now, and thought I was absolutely obese.

DS:
Oh my God.

SS:
It was ridiculous, so I began to figure out, if I don’t look into this and what the root problem is, I’m going to ruin my life because I’m stuck in this diet-binge-diet-binge cycle, so three years after that realization, I felt freedom in my body. I felt like what it actually felt like to use food for health hunger, not for emotional reasons, not because I was trying to change my body, but just for fuel to fuel my body. Looking at food, and be like, “I’m just so excited for this to nourish my body,” rather than like, “Oh God, I’m going to get fat from this.” Just the connection I had to my body, my intuition, like when you’re fighting with your body, you don’t have access to that internal, beautiful intuition that we all have access to. It’s just not available, so I finally felt that freedom, that liberation that came from repairing my relationship with food.

DS:
Wow.

SS:
Then, I was like, “You know what? There’s 91% of women in the world,” that’s a stat I didn’t know then, but I do now, “91% of women in the world don’t like their bodies.” 91% of women in the world don’t like their bodies, and there’s 7 million people who suffer with disordered eating of some kind, so I-

DS:
You have a few people to help.

SS:
Yeah, there’s a few of them, just a couple, a handful, or more, so October 2014, I launched Hungry For Happiness. I say, “We,” sometimes.

DS:
I say that all the time with my company.

SS:
We totally had this crazy day. I was like, “No, I just had a crazy day.” I have few employees that work for me now, but I still say, “We launched it.”

DS:
There’s the inner you, and the outer you.

SS:
Yeah, that’s true. There’s my multiple personality disorder, right? There’s a lot going on here. Yeah, we just celebrated our two-year birthday.

DS:
That’s awesome.

SS:
It’s so exciting, I love it.

DS:
That’s awesome.

SS:
The women that come into the Hungry For Happiness vortex that I get the pleasure to serve are just wonderful, and seeing them create transformations in just a few months is just beautiful.

DS:
How do people start? Obviously, and I’ll include in the notes the links to work with you, because I think that would be the funnest thing. You’re one of the funnest people I know. You laugh more than anyone I know, and I love that.

SS:
I love that.

DS:
I want to take your course.

SS:
You could just be my friend.

DS:
We’ll include that, but then what are some things people can start to do right now?

SS:
Here’s the biggest problem in the world, with this round, with the diet industry, is the weight-loss industry is a 16 billion dollar industry, is telling us to take action out of fear. If you hate your body, you’ve got to take action out of fear, go on restrictive diets, over-exercise, do all this crap that doesn’t work, running away from your body.

DS:
Okay.

SS:
That’s the worst thing you can do. You’re in denial. You’re not loving those broken parts of you. You’re just denying what is, so you get wrapped up in turning into a crazy person going on a diet-

DS:
Hold on one sec. We’ve got this really cool helicopter coming by. I would hope it would be a whale or a dolphin, but we’ve got a helicopter today. It is cool.

SS:
That’s like a scene from a movie.

DS:
It is.

SS:
That’s like some serious stuff, there. We’re so conditioned to take action out of fear, right? In order to create sustainable long-term transformation, where weight loss becomes a result of doing the work, you have to accept what is. You have to accept what is, and acceptance is not synonymous with complacency. Just because you’re accepting your body does not mean you’re going to be 300 pounds, and have a million cats, and never leave your house. You’ve got to start from a place of, “I’m accepting what is, and I have an intention to become the highest, best, and most authentic version of myself, and I recognize that physical weight on my body is just a representation of emotional weight that I’m carrying.” Let’s accept what is and look in here first, because when we can release the emotional weight, weight loss becomes a result of the work and not the focus. We take inspired action rather than forced action.

DS:
I love it.

SS:
That’s like the base of how I work, so when people release weight, it comes from a place of ease, not restriction and calorie counting, and scale, and like weighing yourself, and measuring. No, that’s not how we were designed, right? This whole food issue is just a very recent thing in the history of human, like since we’ve been alive. We wouldn’t be having this conversation a hundred years ago.

DS:
It’s so interesting because I think there’s so many great metaphors in life, and for me, the ocean and being out here, you think about when we were coming out here, and it was hard, intense, and all our muscles were tight, right?

SS:
Yeah.

DS:
If we tried to sustain that and go for a long paddle, it would just be either A, it would be miserable, or B, we wouldn’t go very far.

SS:
Exactly.

DS:
As soon as we relax, and accept, and go, “Oh, wow. I’m just standing.” I stand.

SS:
I stand all the time.

DS:
Right? Then you’re like, “Wow, this is pretty effortless.” I don’t know that there’s a distance I couldn’t go. Eventually, I would get sunburned.

SS:
Yeah, exactly.

DS:
I’d run out of water or something, but-

SS:
Our world is committed to suffering. That’s the thing.

DS:
Yeah. No, I don’t always agree with that.

SS:
A lot of people are. This is the bubble we were talking about. A lot of people are committed to suffering. They’re committed to, “It has to be hard for me to have results.” Right?

DS:
Yes.

SS:
For me to actually break through some barriers and have results, it’s got to be hard. We have this mentality of, it’s got to be hard.

DS:
I always had this thought that when I experience something really difficult in my life, it’s often the precursor to something really great. Sometimes, when I’m feeling really in touch, I recognize that, and I get to a place where I’m almost thankful. I’m like, “I’m glad that that happened because now, I know what’s on the other side is so much better than complacency, or unspoken communication, or a feeling of normalcy.

SS:
Yeah. Yeah.

DS:
It’s not normal, it’s extraordinary.

SS:
Yeah.

DS:
It’s, for me, when I feel that pain, I’m like, “Oh, what’s going on?”

SS:
Yeah, exactly. That’s beautiful.

DS:
What do I notice? What’s happening?

SS:
It’s all about, pain is here to teach us something, right?

DS:
Yes.

SS:
It’s there to deliver a divine gift and a teaching, so what you’re speaking to is just changing the relationship you have to pain, so when you have that pain, that anxiety, that tension, rather than wronging it, suppressing it with food, drugs, sex, alcohol, whatever it is, is like getting curious about it, and knowing that when you relax into it, love that part of you, get curious about what the gift is, you have access to exploring it. Is it painful? Of course it is, but we suffer when we push it away, when we think that we shouldn’t be going through that experience. That’s beautiful. I love it. I love it. That’s amazing.

DS:
Yeah, I was listening to our dear friend, Mike Sherbikoff this morning, and he-

SS:
Sherby-sherbs.

DS:
Sherby-sherbs, and he was interviewing … Who was he interviewing? Oh my goodness.

SS:
One of our friends?

DS:
Yes. He came up on Keystone, John Asheroft. Oh my God, I love John Asheroft. I knew it was there. They talked about, I want to say the word was Keystone, but there’s certain activities that they do every day that have a profound effect. If there was a Keystone activity that had to do with, like your ability to love your body, what might that be?

SS:
That’s a beautiful, that’s such a great question. Yeah, keystones are like anchors.

DS:
Right.

SS:
Right? Like anchors.

DS:
There’s was meditation, both John and Mike.

SS:
See, one of mine is, for sure, meditation. It’s interesting. I feel, and I know that’s like … Let me go on that a little bit more, so affirmations are great, like, “I love myself, I love this, this is great,” and that type of gratitude is amazing, but I really viscerally feel it. When I wake up in the morning, if I were to love myself to the highest degree right now, what does that really feel like, right now, in that moment, rather than waking up and staring in the mirror and being like, “I love you, I love you, I love you. Okay, cool. Let’s go to work now.”

DS:
Yeah.

SS:
I love you, like touching and feeling. What does that feel like when I actually, really, really love myself. It’s profoundly different than just thinking about what I’m grateful for, or thinking that I love myself. It’s really viscerally connecting to that.

DS:
I’m going to try that. I’m not even a girl. It’s going to help me.

SS:
Yeah, totally. When you’re in bed, and you wake up every morning, just hug yourself and be like, “Oh, I’m so grateful for you, and this body.” Just feel your vibrations raising as you’re bringing attention to what you focus on expands, focus on that act of love, and circulating it through our entire body. You just feel this lightness and ease. It’s so beautiful.

DS:
I love that. That’s incredible.

SS:
That’s one of my jams.

DS:
I love it. I love your jams. This is one of my jams, walking across and getting in the water. I’m like, “Is this real?”

SS:
Yeah.

DS:
Literally, am I in a story or something?

SS:
Am I going to get woken up soon? Right? It’s so beautiful.

DS:
This is a good way to start the day, but thank you so much. I love you.

SS:
I love you, too.

DS:
I love me.

SS:
I love everything.

DS:
Awesome. Thank you so much. I will definitely include the links on how people get you, in the show notes, and I’m super stoked for this one.

SS:
Yeah. It’s going to be good. Thank you so much.

DS:
I love it. Thank you, thank you.

Find 0ut more about Samantha Skelly and Hungry for Happiness on their website.